Purple mustard and beige Became less trendy shades in the nascent global warming age When anti-nuclear camping grannies Militant establishment barons enraged Yet some of us wayward lambs were charmed Perhaps Armageddon's reaper skis might yet slalom So we could hide under kitchen tables evading school Old Formica a formidable repellent of eighties radiation MAD seemed preferable to another maths detention Saddam was the avuncular good guy CIA's stalwart point man on Iran And the Soviets the bad guys jacking-up for Brezhnev in Babrak Karmal's Afghanistan..
I wrote a poem about nuclear war It got published in the school magazine But only because I pretended nuclear war was a really bad thing What a cynical populist I was even then And someone felt-tipped Joy Division on my bag And one of the older fit girls almost saluted a dumb-founded flag And only because I wrote a poem against nuclear war She cooed aaaaw Thinking I was the sensitive type A clueless Indianish philosopher-king Supporting the tortured souls of defunct Joy Division And being against nuclear war..
Nuclear war What is it good for Writing poems against nuclear war That's what it's good for Say it again..
And around the same time A dad of a neighbour boasted That his new car had a real vinyl roof The real vinyl roof was colour co-ordinated With the roof being brown And the real metallic paint being a fake metallic lime brown green It flowed like a genuine blocked artery A one point three Gee Ell Ee It did cruise control at almost thirty It had screaming patterned pastel cloth seats It had gluey go-faster shiny strips It sported two reverse lights It was impressed with itself at the time..
He played James Last on his cassette player Or Queen Or other bands that played Sun City But he didn't buy South African oranges Because he was really against eating oranges..
Incidentally he never listened to Cliff Richard Even though Cliff Richard also played Sun City And yet he enjoyed immensely James Last Even though James Last possibly never played Sun City My neighbour's dad was a contrary man really..
His cassette player also boasted medium wave But not FM Because it wasn't a Ghia And the sound on FM just not as clear He claimed FM and power steering were only passing fads For girly New Romantic powder-puff eye-shadow-clad lads Shock troops of the power windows brigade Custard-haired dandies Legless only on shandy Blow-drying low-tar Embassy Under the plastic palm tree haze..
A hostess trolley A fondue set A tea cosy A ciggy for 5p Return the bottle of Tizer And get a ciggy The newsagent didn't mind as long as we acted over-age in his shop And as long as we also bought Another Curly Wurly Or a Sherbert Fountain Or another bottle of pop ..and another ciggy for 5p Which we could only smoke outside..
Out of the black and into the red You don't get nothing for two in a bed Oh look you nearly won a caravan But you didn't Smashin'.. (Jim Bowen) 321 Dusty Bin Oh how I remember Those baffling gnomic riddles and rhymes And no I could never crack the koan wisdom For a his'n'hers matching set of Terylene bathrobe towelling Ted Rogers the Basho of ITV Taoism
And I had an older Marxist friend who would vote Tory He must have been nearly seventeen He wished for a job-nuking economy So he surmised elegantly Thatcher the best thing..
Later on he threw off his head Mohican And joined a polytechnic band Moody mulleted now Analog bollocks strangled in spandex Ensorcelling with low Flying-V imitation Strats A cross-bred indie tree of Cocteau Twins-Curve-MBV Swirly mavens of shoegazer glam And he devoured music magazines like Sounds and Kerrang And then he got married Had kids The end.. So we used to take our school ties off Before we entered the shop Acted as if we were young grown men on our office lunch break I suppose And the method acting newsagent pretended he never once guessed as long as we acted over-age in his shop And as long as we also bought Another Curly Wurly Or a Sherbert Fountain Or another bottle of pop ..and another ciggy for 5p Which we could only smoke outside.. I nearly blew my cover one time When I asked if they would deal me "a whole Hamlet including a tube of Smarties for no more than 8 to 10p" His wife laughed like a drain But demurred kindly Consolating that she thought my badge cute Supporting CND..