Sunday, 12 February 2017

Noblesse Oblige Cocoon

multi-talented no misogynist
a tortured genius the world of empathy beneath understands
a punch provides his hit
and for madam
the placatory box of chocolates
his calibrated rebalance of the yin and yang
the usual dance..

ambassador you are spoiling us..

a seer a prophet an artist
her eye socket
so she fell down the stairs again..

i should have been more careful
she whispered
and the interviewer she nodded
he smiled
she's all fingers and thumbs..

he has an aura
the interviewer blushed
as he escorted her to the car
they exchanged phone numbers of course
his better half looking on from the window
then after a beat or so..
                                   she turned away..

you spying on me again
never mind
just leave me in peace
and before you ask
no we really don't need to talk about this
there is no
my patience is wearing thin..

as well we know
another wise man once said
something about the the anger of a patient man..

a beat..
she gathered her courage
yes he barked
it's your turn to make dinner..she said

Tuesday, 7 February 2017

Interweb Counselling 101

So I'm sending you these instant messages
As I really don't want you to take this as personally
as you would emails
Or text messages from me
I'm thoughtful like that..

These eye-emms are only thoughts
As these are just my thoughts
Don't take my thoughts about you too personally
Unless you wish to
Which is fine by me..

These are only 
Thinking of me a bully
Or a troll
Is infantile
And childish
So I don't care

Would you say that to my face
You know what would happen if you did
Just sayin'..

So you can ignore this
- after you have read it
Entirely your choice
These are only my thoughts about you
This isn't real..

So stop treating them as if they are
People can be so sensitive
Toughen up
Live in the real world..

Do you think you're talented
You need to sort yourself out
And btw 
I know people
Trust me on that

I can find out where you live
Just sayin'..

Tuesday, 24 January 2017

Sylvia Plath's Silver Fox

sylvia plath
oh how you made us laugh
if only you had used a microwave oven

ted hughes
like all great poets

you were great with women weren't you
and to be fair
you also wrote a really good poem about a fox
and you got laid many times because of it
and apparently three of your loves killed themselves
and then you published some poems about one of them
but not the other two because they were just exes

and it was very well received
i mean the collection
not the suicide in question..

and you told your side of the story
and the critics mostly felt sorry for you
even a feminist plathist jihadist 
and they wished you were still alive
so they could tell you
they had rehabilitated you

an amazon reviewer said this
in their five star review
arrived on time and was exactly as described
and another reviewer said
in their five star review
i bought this for an old lady it was her 100th birthday
a one star review said this
i thought it was the book and it wasn't and now i can't seem to cancel this purchase..

i'm off to write a poem about basil brush right now

Wednesday, 18 January 2017

Smoke In Amber

the wavering candle
caught my breath ~ your reflective eyes
danced the flame
hour glass irises ~ needle-lava a-bloom
nano magma phosphorescence
yet the forbidden energy consumed to never fade..

the wavering candle
smoke ~
a small affair everlasting ~ only weeks of months
and after then..
and then years later
out of nowhere ~ a wrench
yet here is mostly the rush of rust
ionised iron
though an orbiting dark star's stark magnetics tug the core..

twas of was not was ~
absurd absurd

last night on the tube train
deep underground

the aptness ~ subterranean vertigo
and from some remote depth i conjured this thought-burn
i have no idea i have no idea no idea..
the portent of the looping
pathos foretold
smacked hard by the palm of the driftwood shift work night
oh yeah oh yeah..
i'm sorry if this sounds like poetry
this isn't poetry..

jolted ~ my distorted face
in the upper cut curve of glass
my distorted face spied my distorted face
and the echo chamber of the earphone jury
oh they noticed they noticed
apparition ~ apparition re-folding
extinguished to reignite ~ so inept i am
so so..
is this
quantum entanglement 

her karma served cold..
fire lanterns glowed ashen ~ alien embers a wishbone
for all the wise all nodding dog
the flip side of all this

the recitation ~
heart landscapes’ vanquished with misremembered magic mesmerised
a gushing volcano of diamond mist
and in the wash of mid-distant haze ~ a ghost ship or an abandoned igloo..

avidity spoked ~ oh yes ~ for one
rekindling sparks the organic mote and beam..

and up the escalators ~
splintered by the outreach stingray
origami slayer
but would i have it any other way
well would i..

Sunday, 8 January 2017

The Breathing Thing

I just breathed an armful
Of some air
Right in
Almost wine glasses full ~ quaffed lasciviously
A still vaping vamp
A toting nitrogen-bong guppy..

Pouring like rapturous rain
A megalopolitan merman honey marine..

My lungs of slayer pavement steam
An urban isotope yea-sayer
No messing around
So edgy
Always willing to try new things I am..

Well it is my day off
And I don't think anyone noticed
I enjoy this experience of really breathing deeply
Perhaps I should have done this while I was..
     Still a teenager..

Then again..
This breathing
Really Breathing
I suppose this might become a problem
A full-blown intense breathing addiction
Breathing misuse
Air dependency

A breath-head loser
Another atmosphere casualty..

Oh I knew he was on something..
The high street granny gaggle collectively gasp

Some men buy fast cars
But as I don't drive
I might take up this
What will women think
Oh I sense their florid murmurations right now
Watching me stoked 

On purpose
Almost in an ecstasy
A Dervish
With only my head whirling
A human blowfish on spin..

A washing machine mind air-locked inside-outside-in
Wagons circle the bends..

I don't wish to be crude
But I am doing the breathing thing right now
Almost two degenerate wine glasses full
And to be frank
It feels pretty good
Really good
I know I shouldn't say that
Especially to sensitive poetry types like yourself..

I have a webcam
I can show you
Draw your curtains tight
The land-locked Zen of suck-in-and-blow slap-and-tickle
And I won't ask you what you're airing
As we breathe together..

Stand back my lovely
I hope you're not very married..

There was a time
For the scribes
Of broken line ridiculousness
Bequeathing the midnight oil lamps
Opium and quinine fortified
They blasted the oud-scented curlicues
And threw a few words in
When their syphilis quack pharmacist threw a tab-tantrum
Later generations rolled rings bluely hashish and alcohol swirly
Perhaps before soon
It might be nitrogen and oxygen

With a dash of helium
Supposedly now wrapping this neck of our trinary system
Or is it binary
Interacting and flashing green our parochial sun
But I don't wish to start a trend..

So please listen
Just say no to Really Breathing
And yes I admit that I am a hypocrite
You may even write a poem about my shameless hypocrisy if you wish
I get it
The Queen will give you an imperial gong
And you can be her laureate
Poet Oxygen Thieves in Need
That's surely a telethon..

Let's work it
Don't go to the pub tonight
Give this airhead poet five pounds
Poets aren't here for Christmas
         magnanimous malevolent

                 They're here for life..

Soon I should be drowning pints
Litres of this wretched stuff
Sat on a park bench lost and bewildered

Imbibing this strange esoteric ether
With eyes like sockets of a zombie apocalypse
And I don't believe I can ever stop now
It might even kill me before it kills me
Especially that pure grade beach surf ionic shit..

Oh well
Here goes everyday
Escape velocity boomerang
Yeah it was a difficult childhood..

Saturday, 31 December 2016

The Process Of The Fake News Meme

back at the ranch..
a baby boomer marxist rock star
           just took a gong
it must be the new neo marxist third way
not gaddafi's third way
but that other fella's
third way

the marxist rock star
the obligatory one-legged lollipop lady
the arms dealer
the charity ceo that helps war victims
thrown in
for balance

a slebrity
a poet
a food critic
a food bank critic
but with a heart of gold..

food critics
yes and yes again

just gets away with it every time
i criticise lettuce
why don't you

you are tarzan
you are fake news..

fake news
the latest mainstream fake meme
striking shapes for snooze button mood music..

when the rusty forest falls 
a certain screaming tree
is a targeted sound..

grass hoppers 
let us bow down before the mainstream gods
their fake news dog wagging dog
comedy lethal
an appropriate use of steroids..

all your data will be strangely garbed for many many years
and shared with unknown peers
who you believe
what you say
your jejune everything
your images
your surfing habits
and deployed 
at a time of reckoning
being monetised thing might be the least of worries..

your deliberate misdirection
your zig-zag address against the moon
spewer of fake news
misinformed disinformer
that is you
questioning hoax fake fake news
you are a problem requiring creation
to be solved
and solved again..

all your thoughts junk dna
never to be thrown
broken into bite-sized gnomic metadata 
and for the love of crows

as you read this
you are 
a book
unfinished and complete
an unwriting 
a through-put of new code 
a dune sky you 
tangled in the web of net
the webcam interview
the quantum vessel
the self-heating missile
the unique signature..

the podesta emails
the clinton foundation
the haitian children
it is all fake
that was all fake for over four decades
from shepherds bush to downing street to a big house
all fake
all fake

important question
which news presenter will win celebrity come dancing
who can bake a really great cake
the queen isn't dead
but where is assange
don't worry about all those leaked dnc emails
all fake
he won't come to any harm

which news presenter will win celebrity come dancing
which mainstream media darling
will act best every morning
dancing the genuine mainstream news..

bow down grass hoppers
you are standing on a leaf quivering
you are just a fixture
in a really wired haiku
you will never be basho..

a cherry blossom goliath
the cold dead man's switch..

and here or there 
a truth ripped from a thumb nail
a mysterious blackout..

Dear reader..

Thank you for your continued support - and for spreading the word. For a humble poetry site, this is getting something of a following, and it is all down to you.

Wishing you a safe and peaceful 2017.


Monday, 19 December 2016

Bollywood National Anthem/Bollywood Bleach Cologne

We have determined
To let you all be upstanding for the Bollywood National Anthem
So sing
For Bollywood hymns
Show your gratitude common woman common man
The silver screen thespians advertising Bollywood Skin Bleach Cologne
Are expecting
Your expectorated respectfulness vacuum packed
Protean Thought Clones..

Please be moved to be upstanding for the Bollywood National Anthem
Show your gratitude
To Mother India
Via the muscle men-women
And the muscle men-men
The pirouetting peacocks and hens
Smashing each others' heads in
A Glock for an Oedipus Complex..

A man drips Yeti musk
Baby oil splashes his bullet-proof yoga mat
A limousine explodes slo-mo
A panoramic sweep of vast splinter-dappled urban desert
Fancy that
And the opening credits haven't rolled yet
Money well spent
The Tie Dye distortion mirrors
Dip themselves in boiling silk worm vats
The Bollywood National Anthem
It's all of this and more of that..

Please be upstanding for the Bollywood National Anthem
Split-screen and a strobing moon
Pastel-lit palaces and temples
And trees in expensive shoes
Blue Kachina can't arrive too soon
The Bollywood National Anthem..

Please be lip-syncing for
Dry-fucking manga-like babes
Weeping sorrowful saccharine soliloquies before
Yet again dutifully
Or marrying
Underneath a marvelling slanting rainbow monsoon rain

And then
Until next time

An irrepressible intermission
For some advertising nuke fission grand designs
On the G-spot glans of your Black Friday mind..
Bollywood Skin Bleach Cologne
Available in all good skin bleach stores
With special Holi discount
From yesterday and..

the day after tomorrow
Available since the triumvirate of Euro empires
Now in decaff
Under slow waved incense sticks of splashing neon DayGlo
Frequencies amplified with 90s balmy Santa Cruz beach jazz
And the finest Goan smoke
With saffron..

The Bollywood National Anthem
So sing
The Bollywood National Anthem
Before the curtains rise
Fall deep inside scale-covered eyes
The Wizards of Mumbai
Don't be too cool to be fly through
Your third eye closed

                      wide shut wide
Caged inside the lithesome human zoo
It feels deep with fries..

Bollywood National Anthem
Ham actors tweet ego spam
Impossible saline dream transfusions spit curdle and jam
Materialistic helter skelter vectors
The intertwined loved-up

A melting metallic installation sculpture
Crushed in fluorescent popcorn and spiced vaping dust
The drizzling fables scorch earth
Soaked in bog-standard zeitgeist syrup..

Feel lifted by
The Bollywood National Anthem
The Bollywood Skin Bleach Cologne
Scheming shaman
Discharging the sonic sorcery
The New Gnosis
Mind Dentists frack the plausibly deniable psychosis
Manchurians nominate you in extremis
Levitation manglers
Bleach skin cologne saviours
Tyro-patriots' eau de colonial
Goddess of God Save The
The Bollywood National Anthem
Stand up
Fall through your knees for the movie-hex marathon..

And even before you watch an honest porn film
Stand up and sing
Before your digits finger your thing
Or your preferred wrist skims
Stand up and sing
Bollywood National Anthem
The beer the perfume the endangered elephant
The Kundalini serpent recoil
The gifted tarot reader the inevitable car accident..

Sooth your brow
Price tag the sacred cow
What are you here for now
Bristle with the shifting tectonics
The shrill literalist Archons' Yuga striptease harmonics
The paradigm of the empty vessel sociolect
The demagogues of the We consensus
Let us sing We
Soul grind the mortar and pestle

And then and only then shall your gods and goddesses mud wrestle
Bollywood National Anthem
Bollywood Bleach Cologne..

You must be like a lighthouse laser-guiding contrarians deploring
The Bollywood National Anthem
It's a dose of nationalistic cultural capital for the sloganising time-poor
It has a nice score
So don't be boring..

Please be upstanding for
You guessed it..

Look that person isn't arising

Arrest the bastard
People died so you might consume
the shape shift collage multiplexing
Okay so no one died
But that really isn't the point
Bollywood films are shown all over the world
Show some respect

From Mumbai to Neasden
To Mumbai again
Perhaps a few in Toronto and Lisbon
Not forgetting a couple of stalwart film students in Sweden
Bollywood National Anthem muscles flexing
You are this..

And the cynics

One new threat to this
We must protect us from ourselves..

Oh we can wish..

Or a terrorist from Washington Saudi Arabia
A militant from the mountains
A nuclear bomb
And a mind bomb
So what is so wrong
Bang your head against the gong your head against the bangs
Bollywood National Anthem
Bollywood Bleach Cologne
Bollywood Mind Bomb..

So if you don't want to stand up and sing
You might lose your right to not think
As pigment-light fantastic mime artists
String holes through pearls hanging off the claws of vultures
Radiating lurid crayoned-in colours
Filling oil tankers spoonfuls of gurgled mist lyrics
All day long
Get pissed

Please be upstanding for
The Bollywood National Anthem
And yes you can quote us on this
The nay-sayers have never been so ignorable
Everyone get patriotic
Get pissed if you must
  but never blink
You won't remember anything
You won't remember anything
  All day long
Bollywood National Anthem
Bollywood Bleach Cologne..

It's a wrap
We have gifted you the anthem app free on your mobile phone..


Wednesday, 16 November 2016


even clear water refracts
you reach down there
to clutch
at nothing
the object refracted..

and on the surface
a reflection..


Saturday, 29 October 2016

Nuclear Bombs In Beige

Purple mustard and beige
Became less trendy shades in the nascent global warming age
When anti-nuclear camping grannies

Militant establishment barons enraged
Yet some of us wayward lambs were charmed 
Perhaps Armageddon's reaper skis might yet slalom
So we could hide under kitchen tables evading school
Old Formica a formidable repellent of eighties radiation
MAD seemed preferable to another maths detention
Saddam was the avuncular good guy 

CIA's stalwart point man on Iran
And the Soviets

the bad guys jacking-up for Brezhnev
in Babrak Karmal's Afghanistan..

I wrote a poem about nuclear war
It got published in the school magazine
But only because I pretended nuclear war was a really bad thing
What a cynical populist I was even then
And someone felt-tipped Joy Division on my bag
And one of the older fit girls
almost saluted a dumb-founded flag
And only because I wrote a poem against nuclear war
She cooed aaaaw
Thinking I was the sensitive type
A clueless Indianish philosopher-king
Supporting the tortured souls of defunct Joy Division
And being against nuclear war..

Nuclear war
What is it good for
Writing poems against nuclear war
That's what it's good for
Say it again..

And around the same time
A dad of a neighbour boasted
That his new car had a real vinyl roof
The real vinyl roof was colour co-ordinated
With the roof being brown
And the real metallic paint 
being a fake metallic lime brown green
It flowed like a genuine blocked artery
A one point three Gee Ell Ee
It did cruise control at almost thirty
It had screaming patterned pastel cloth seats
It had gluey go-faster shiny strips
It sported two reverse lights
It was impressed with itself at the time..

He played James Last on his cassette player
Or Queen
Or other bands that played Sun City
But he didn't buy South African oranges
Because he was really against eating oranges..

Incidentally he never listened to Cliff Richard
Even though Cliff Richard also played Sun City
And yet he enjoyed immensely James Last
Even though James Last possibly never played Sun City
My neighbour's dad was a contrary man really..

His cassette player also boasted medium wave
But not FM
Because it wasn't a Ghia
And the sound on FM just not as clear
He claimed FM and power steering 
were only passing fads
For girly New Romantic powder-puff eye-shadow-clad lads
Shock troops of the power windows brigade
Custard-haired dandies 
Legless only on shandy
Blow-drying low-tar Embassy
Under the plastic palm tree haze..

A hostess trolley
A fondue set
A tea cosy
A ciggy for 5p
Return the bottle of Tizer
And get a ciggy
The newsagent didn't mind
as long as we acted over-age in his shop
And as long as we also bought
Another Curly Wurly
Or a Sherbert Fountain
Or another bottle of pop
..and another ciggy for 5p
Which we could only smoke outside..

Out of the black and into the red
You don't get nothing for two in a bed
Oh look you nearly won a caravan
But you didn't

Smashin'..  (Jim Bowen)

Dusty Bin
Oh how I remember
Those baffling gnomic riddles and rhymes
And no I could never crack the koan wisdom 
For a his'n'hers matching set of Terylene bathrobe towelling
Ted Rogers 
the Basho of ITV Taoism

And I had an older Marxist friend who would vote Tory
He must have been nearly seventeen
He wished for a job-nuking economy
So he surmised elegantly
Thatcher the best thing..

Later on he threw off his head 
And joined a polytechnic band
Moody mulleted now
Analog bollocks strangled in spandex 
Ensorcelling with low Flying-V imitation Strats
A cross-bred indie tree of Cocteau Twins-Curve-MBV
Swirly mavens of shoegazer glam
And he devoured music magazines like Sounds and Kerrang
And then he got married
Had kids
The end..

So we used to take our school ties off
Before we entered the shop
Acted as if we were young grown men
on our office lunch break I suppose
And the method acting newsagent
pretended he never once guessed
as long as we acted over-age in his shop

And as long as we also bought
Another Curly Wurly
Or a Sherbert Fountain
Or another bottle of pop
..and another ciggy for 5p
Which we could only smoke outside..

I nearly blew my cover one time
When I asked if they would deal me
"a whole Hamlet including a tube of Smarties
for no more than 8 to 10p"
His wife laughed like a drain
But demurred kindly
Consolating that she thought my badge cute
Supporting CND..