The Breathing Thing

I just breathed an armful
Of some air
Right in
Almost wine glasses full ~ quaffed lasciviously
A still vaping vamp
A toting nitrogen-bong guppy..

         of-consciousness
Pouring like rapturous rain
A megalopolitan merman honey marine..

My lungs of slayer pavement steam
An urban isotope yea-sayer
No messing around
So edgy
Always willing to try new things I am..

Well it is my day off
And I don't think anyone noticed
I enjoy this experience of really breathing deeply
Copiously
Perhaps I should have done this while I was..
     Still a teenager..

Then again..
This breathing
Really Breathing
I suppose this might become a problem
A full-blown intense breathing addiction
Breathing misuse
Air dependency
A breath-head loser
Another atmosphere casualty.. 

Oh I knew he was on something..

The high street granny gaggle collectively gasp

Some men buy fast cars
But as I don't drive
I might take up this
What will women think
Oh I sense their florid murmurations right now
Watching me stoked 
                        in-breathing-out
          Exhaling
On purpose
Almost in an ecstasy
A Dervish
With only my head whirling
A human blowfish on spin..

A washing machine mind air-locked inside-outside-in
Wagons circle the bends..

I don't wish to be crude
But I am doing the breathing thing right now
Almost two degenerate wine glasses full
And to be frank
It feels pretty good
Really good
I know I shouldn't say that
Especially to sensitive poetry types like yourself..

I have a webcam
I can show you
Draw your curtains tight
The land-locked Zen of suck-in-and-blow slap-and-tickle
And I won't ask you what you're airing
As we breathe together..

Stand back my lovely
I hope you're not very married..

There was a time
For the scribes
Of broken line ridiculousness
Bequeathing the midnight oil lamps
Opium and quinine fortified
Undone
They blasted the oud-scented curlicues
And threw a few words in
When their syphilis quack pharmacist threw a tab-tantrum
Later generations rolled rings bluely hashish and alcohol swirly
Perhaps before soon
It might be nitrogen and oxygen
With a dash of helium
Supposedly now wrapping this neck of our trinary system
Or is it binary
Interacting and flashing green our parochial sun
But I don't wish to start a trend..

So please listen
Just say no to Really Breathing
Okay
And yes I admit that I am a hypocrite
You may even write a poem about my shameless hypocrisy if you wish
I get it
The Queen will give you an imperial gong
And you can be her laureate
Poet Oxygen Thieves in Need
That's surely a telethon..

Let's work it
Don't go to the pub tonight
Give this airhead poet five pounds
Poets aren't here for Christmas
         magnanimous malevolent
                 They're here for life..

Soon I should be drowning pints
Litres of this wretched stuff
Sat on a park bench lost and bewildered
Imbibing this strange esoteric ether
With eyes like sockets of a zombie apocalypse
And I don't believe I can ever stop now
It might even kill me before it kills me
Especially that pure grade beach surf ionic shit..

Oh well
Here goes everyday
Escape velocity boomerang
Yeah it was a difficult childhood..